Meet Nate Graybill

It was almost ten years ago when I woke my wife in bed and told her, “Honey, I have a problem with pornography, and I need your help.” After spending hours in an online wasteland, I no longer believed I could “manage this on my own.” I had asked God to remove my struggle, but only in ways that would maintain my reputation. Now, I was empty and tired. On my own, powerless. A beggar.
I became a Christian as a child, spending years learning God’s Word and leading others in Christ. But somehow, a clear picture of my depravity eluded me until that night. I had been “doing” for God for years, but had trouble accepting that “nothing good [dwelled] in me, that is, in my flesh.” (Romans 7:18)
In Christ's day, society considered the religious and wealthy blessed of God. The beggars and sick were cursed. In Matthew 5:3-6, however, Christ provides a different picture. The “blessed” of God are those who recognize their spiritual poverty, those mourning sin, the submissive, and those hungering for righteousness unattainable on their own. With this heart, heaven is received, not grasped; the earth inherited rather than achieved. We find significance only in God’s ransom of us. I missed that this was not only true of my salvation, but also of my walk with Christ.
Before hitting bottom, I didn’t want charity from anyone. I wanted to be a benefactor; if not with money, then wisdom, knowledge, etc. I craved receiving the respect of a benefactor. Performance-based acceptance drove my Christian walk. But I have nothing to offer God except a surrendered life. Anything worth bringing to Him is already from Him.
There is beauty being in the receivership of Christ. We approach God with gratitude, not a resume. We have worth because God saw us as valuable enough to ransom at our worst moments. He released us from performance-based acceptance. When I died to the pursuit of approval, I embraced God's approval--the charity of the Lover of My Soul. In turn, He gave me freedom to love--and freedom from pornography.